All right,
Captn' Red, I've called in some favors and can now tell you a few things about what's been going on with aliens-and-flying-saucers stuff. First of all, every single claim regarding extra-terrestrial spacecraft and/or aliens is pure unadulterated bullshit. All but one, that is. It actually began with this seemingly-innocuous report filed over in your part of the world:
Report regarding Norwegian military attaché's 16-year-old daughterCome to find out, that really
was a spacecraft and there really
was an extra-terrestrial alien aboard! As you might expect, it was all hushed up; but behind the hushing was a lot of action. Scandinavian government, military, police and scientific folks teamed up and found the damned thing. It was in a car park behind a brothel in Amsterdam. Through some deal made with the U.S., the machine and its lone occupant were transported to the now-infamous Area 51 near Groom Lake in Nevada.
Area 51 at Groom Lake in Nevada
Please click on the image to view its full size.Once there, the "parcel" and its occupant were locked in a building which was provided the tightest security imaginable. (The green arrow in the photograph below points to the room, inside the building, where the spacecraft and alien were kept.) Wisely, unlike what happens in science-fiction films and novels, nobody rushed in to dismantle the spacecraft. They merely observed it - for years. Nothing happened. They knew somebody/something was inside it, though, because both movement and noise were detected from time to time.
Arrow indicates alien spacecraft location inside Area 51 buildingExperimental X-ray techniques enabled scientists to reconstruct, roughly, a cross-section of the spacecraft. All this happened years ago, so some data have been lost and many who worked on that top-secret project are no longer with us. Anyway, here's what the machine looks like:
Diagram of occupied spacecraft kept at Groom Lake in NevadaEventually, by happenstance whilst in the U.S. Air Force, I was asked to volunteer for "a very risky and highly-sensitive" assignment to "parts unknown." Naturally, being crazy on the inside though calm on the exterior, I agreed. "It sounds dangerous," I said. "Oh, yes, it's very dangerous!" "Count me in." My specialty was unknown languages. That meant, since the languages I was supposed to study were unknown, I merely sat behind a desk leafing through trashy magazines all day or talking on the telephone. Once in a while, I'd have a pertinent thought; but that didn't happen very often.
Long story short, after several months of trying I was finally able to communicate with the alien. We even went to the mess hall for lunch one day, which created quite a stir so we decided not to do that again. Guess what? She's a lamiac naga, or nagaic lamia - whichever! Seeing her took some getting used to, which was all right because that meant few superior officers ever bothered playing the "stand-over man" role with me. Actual eating of children would have been unseemly, so she and I compromised and we fed her an all-meat diet.
Rikchik female in stress-relief therapySomebody made that sketch one day whilst I was administering stress-relief therapy. Tongue brushing! Who knew? Well, she liked it - a lot. "Tie my wrists together and don't stop!" she'd say, in her best Rikchik. That's all I can tell you about this subject. Everything else is
way classified. The good news is that she doesn't age! The bad news: I can only visit her once every two years, since I no longer have "official business" to conduct nor the proper security clearance anymore. Oh, well. I'm told she asks about me nearly every day.
=^..^=P.S.: Any resemblance to actual persons either living or dead is purely coincidental. (That's just a standard disclaimer and doesn't mean what's written above is false - or true.) Once you're read this post, you are to eat it and never mention its existence to anyone. Thank you. Have a nice day.
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