Literary Articles.

[Plasmacaster]

Ok basically I was rooting around on my hard-drive and found a load of articles I had written for my old website. I'm sure some of the people out there have written similar pieces for magazines, internet,friends etc... so here's a place where you can showcase your work. Enjoy it.

This is an article I wrote that basically displayed the probability of finding your perfect partner in the world. It uses my math skills which I admit are a little rusty and I would recommend that anyone who doesn't believe in luck, do not read this because you will get depressed!

Meeting Mr/Mrs Right

In this world we are always searching for the right person. That perfect match that will compliment our lives in every way. However, people go through their lives often never even gaining a clue as to who that person might be. Today I decided that the best way to express this was through the use of mathmatical formula. So below is the resulting calculation with an explanation.Please bear in mind this is VERY rough. I am working on global averages to simplify the procedure.

   (((P/G(O))/A/S/V = X)      ((M*T) = Y)
   
   (X/P) * (Y/P) = Z

P is Population of the Earth (currently approximately 6 billion (6,000,000,000)
G is Gender based on O which is sexual Orientation, essentially it determines how many genders are being selected from. (heterosexual requires a division of gender, Bi sexual does not)
A is age range (use as fraction of average human life span (e.g. Searching for a partner of between ages 20 and 30 is a ten year period. Average human life span is 80, 80 divided by 10 is 8 and therefore A is 8 ))
S is standards (for the sake of argument there are 3 standards, high, medium and low. High standards cause a search from only the 75th percentile (e.g. 75% are undesirable) while low standards search from the 25th percentile)
V is availability (this takes into account sexual orientation of prospective partner as well as marriage status (or availabilty). Recent studies suggest that based on averages, one third of all humans are homosexual and at least another third are married)
X is the number of prospective partners that meet all standards
M is the average number of people met ('met' is used to describe all people spoken to in a day in a social situation) (takes into account gatherings, periods of solitude, evenings out etc...) On average, human beings encounter approximately 4000 people in their lives, an average human life is 80 years (29200 days) and that equals 0.14 people a day.
T stands for the time speans searching for their perfect partner, an average of 10950 days (30 years). This number reflects the average amount of time in which they are single and looking. It does not take into account time spent in a relationship, illness or other change of circumstances.
Y is number of people met while searching (30 years)
Z is the chance you will meet your perfect partner

For example, a 20 year old straight man with high standards is looking for a perfect woman.between the ages of 18 and 28

(6,000,000,000 / 2) / 8 = 375,000,000  (no of prospectives within age and gender bracket)
(100 / 375, 000,000) * 25 = 9375,0000  (this is the 75th percentile)
9375, 0000 / 3 = 3125,0000 (no of 'perfect' women in the world) (0.5208%)

0.14 * 10950 = 1533 (an average human meets 1533 people in 30 years)

(312,500,00 / 6,000,000,000) = 0.0052083333333333333333 (this is the chance that someone on earth is a perfect partner)
             *
(1533 / 6,000,000,000) = 0.0000002555 (this is the possibility that you will meet someone)

0.00520833333333333 * 0.0000002555 = 0.00000001302075

Or

0.000000013%

(this is the chance that he will meet his perfect woman)

Remember, this figure is based on global averages, it does not take into consideration such things as population density, country of origin, religion, attitude etc...

[MadWolf]

Sad indeed,specially since some people doesnt even know what they want and they realize only when(if) they find it ,so its time for them to jump into your formula again

[Aurix-kun]

I heard from my stats teacher that the ideal partner is the 7th one you meet.

[Chika]

i dont know.. not many ppl find the perfect mate early in their life.. but i heard that the perfect mate is someone that u have already met in ur younger days

[Captn' Red]

Lol, Plasma that is depressing


I will find the perfect woman dammit! (If i haven't already =P)

[Hikaru]

mmm
that is depressing. and expected.
btw... that's 0.000,001,3% o.o 0.000,000,013% = 0.000,000,000,13

PUT the other articles here! you know, the one with the kitten-butterbread proportion system and the other ones.

[Plasmacaster]

OK but I didn't write these:

Cartoon Laws of Physics
Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its
situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland.  He loiters
in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down.  At
this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second
takes over.

Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on
foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a
telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion
absolutely.  Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion
the stooge's surcease.

Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
conforming to its perimeter.

Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality
of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who
are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a
house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole.  The threat of skunks or
matrimony often catalyses this reaction.

Cartoon Law IV
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than
or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to
spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it
inevitably unsuccessful.

Cartoon Law V
All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them
directly away from the earth's surface.  A spooky noise or an
adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the
cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole.  The feet
of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need
never touch the ground, especially when in flight.

Cartoon Law VI
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a
character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation
at several places simultaneously.  This effect is common as well among
bodies that are spinning or being throttled.  A `wacky' character has
the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may
ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.

Cartoon Law VII
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
entrances; others cannot.

This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least
it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick
an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space.
The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow
into the painting.  This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.

Cartoon Law VIII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.

Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives
might comfortably afford.  They can be decimated, spliced, splayed,
accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be
destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate,
elongate, snap back, or solidify.

Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law IX
Everything falls faster than an anvil.

From: Isoperimetrosity <sjd100#NoSpam.york.ac.uk>
Cartoon Law X
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.

This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the
physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it
happen to a duck instead.

Cartoon Law Amendment A
A sharp object will always propel a character upward.

When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a
character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

Cartoon Law Amendment B
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters.

Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent
objects appear from behind their backs at will.  For instance, the Road
Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.

Cartoon Law Amendment C
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries.

They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.

Cartoon Law Amendment D
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths.

Their operation can be wittnessed by observing the behavior of a canine
suspended over a large vertical drop.  Its feet will begin to fall first,
causing its legs to stretch.  As the wave reaches its torso, that part will
begin to fall, causing the neck to strech.  As the head begins to fall,
tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions
until such time as it strikes the ground.

Cartoon Law Amendment E
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon
laws hold).

The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which
postulated that the tensions involved in maintianing a space would cause
the creation of hydrogen from nothing.  Dynamite quanta are quite large
(stick sized) and unstable (lit).  Such quanta are attracted to psychic
forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see
Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use
said quanta to their advantage.  One may imagine C-spaces where all matter
and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding.  A big bang
indeed.

FELINE PHYSICS

Law of Cat Inertia

  A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by
  some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby
  scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion

  A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good
  reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism

  All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct
  proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics

  Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case
  of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching

  A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of
  the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping

  All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position
  as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as
  possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation

  A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any
  counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction

  A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the
  maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration

  A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and
  ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance

  Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration

  No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance

  A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for
  her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation

  Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and
  will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation

  Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation

  If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come
  along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

  Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the
  speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking

  A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most
  comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy

  All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within
  the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment

  A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment
  times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption

  A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he
  can.

Law of Furniture Replacement

  A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to
  the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing

  A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the
  mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement

  A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the
  amount of milk consumed.


Law of Cat Disinterest

  A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the
  amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection

  Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape
  velocity.

Law of Cat Composition

  A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

 BUTTERED BREAD ON THE BACK OF A CAT: WHAT FALLS FIRST.

Daniel D. Van Hoy wrote:
>Just think: When you drop a cat from a few feet, it lands upright.
>Also think: When you drop a piece of buttered bread, it lands with
>the buttered side down
>Now think: If you strapped a piece of buttered bread to the back
>of a cat, which would land first.


First the source of the forces must be understood. The force acting on the
bread is not the butter, as some may think. Without the bread, butter
wouldn't land bread side up, and therefore the force could not possibly be
in the butter. We know the force is not the bread because it has been
experimentally proven that bread does not land any particular side down
without butter. The bread/butter force is caused by the fusing of bread and
butter particles together. This fusion causes energy to be released in the
form of shifting gravity and anti-gravity energy to opposite sides of the
bread/butter continuum. The gravity energy naturally shifts to the butter
since it is denser then the bread, while the anti-gravity energy shifts to
the bread side.

The energy in a cat for landing on its feet comes from the feet themselves.
This has been proven experimentally. Cats without feet have a near zero
success rate of landing on their feet. We will call this energy cat foot
energy.

Considering the equal but opposing bread/butter and cat foot forces one
would expect the cat to spin violently about its axis. However the strength
of these forces must be considered. A regular cat is not structurally
stable enough to withstand the torque the spinning causes. I should not
have to describe the way the cat's limbs give way, the way the legs wrench
around until the feet are on the same side of the cat as the butter. And
thus the cat can then land on its feet, butter side down.

We are now researching the possibility of using structurally reinforced
cats for levitation systems, but so far the cost is too high to be
practical. Several attempts at producing economically viable systems were
made by separating the feet so that the instability of the cat would not be
a factor. At first there was dificulty because there was no cat to tie the
bread to. Later it was discovered that when not attached to a cat the feet
lost their cat foot force over time. It is hypothesized that the feet need
to be living to exert the cat foot force, and so far no practical method
has been found for keeping the feet alive other than a cat.

Attempts are also being made to breed flat cats with no legs (only feet).

There are many other problems related with this method of levitation as you
may well imagine, but they are beyond the scope of this discussion.

[Zanibas]

Hold on, what if your preferences change over time? Is that placed into the ring as well? Can we predict that? o_O

It's either the same percent, or lower. Both lose.

It's a sad day =P

[PlasmaPrincess]

Ok basically I was rooting around on my hard-drive and found a load of articles I had written for my old website. I'm sure some of the people out there have written similar pieces for magazines, internet,friends etc... so here's a place where you can showcase your work. Enjoy it.

This is an article I wrote that basically displayed the probability of finding your perfect partner in the world. It uses my math skills which I admit are a little rusty and I would recommend that anyone who doesn't believe in luck, do not read this because you will get depressed!

Meeting Mr/Mrs Right

In this world we are always searching for the right person. That perfect match that will compliment our lives in every way. However, people go through their lives often never even gaining a clue as to who that person might be. Today I decided that the best way to express this was through the use of mathmatical formula. So below is the resulting calculation with an explanation.Please bear in mind this is VERY rough. I am working on global averages to simplify the procedure.

   (((P/G(O))/A/S/V = X)      ((M*T) = Y)
   
   (X/P) * (Y/P) = Z

P is Population of the Earth (currently approximately 6 billion (6,000,000,000)
G is Gender based on O which is sexual Orientation, essentially it determines how many genders are being selected from. (heterosexual requires a division of gender, Bi sexual does not)
A is age range (use as fraction of average human life span (e.g. Searching for a partner of between ages 20 and 30 is a ten year period. Average human life span is 80, 80 divided by 10 is 8 and therefore A is 8 ))
S is standards (for the sake of argument there are 3 standards, high, medium and low. High standards cause a search from only the 75th percentile (e.g. 75% are undesirable) while low standards search from the 25th percentile)
V is availability (this takes into account sexual orientation of prospective partner as well as marriage status (or availabilty). Recent studies suggest that based on averages, one third of all humans are homosexual and at least another third are married)
X is the number of prospective partners that meet all standards
M is the average number of people met ('met' is used to describe all people spoken to in a day in a social situation) (takes into account gatherings, periods of solitude, evenings out etc...) On average, human beings encounter approximately 4000 people in their lives, an average human life is 80 years (29200 days) and that equals 0.14 people a day.
T stands for the time speans searching for their perfect partner, an average of 10950 days (30 years). This number reflects the average amount of time in which they are single and looking. It does not take into account time spent in a relationship, illness or other change of circumstances.
Y is number of people met while searching (30 years)
Z is the chance you will meet your perfect partner

For example, a 20 year old straight man with high standards is looking for a perfect woman.between the ages of 18 and 28

(6,000,000,000 / 2) / 8 = 375,000,000  (no of prospectives within age and gender bracket)
(100 / 375, 000,000) * 25 = 9375,0000  (this is the 75th percentile)
9375, 0000 / 3 = 3125,0000 (no of 'perfect' women in the world) (0.5208%)

0.14 * 10950 = 1533 (an average human meets 1533 people in 30 years)

(312,500,00 / 6,000,000,000) = 0.0052083333333333333333 (this is the chance that someone on earth is a perfect partner)
             *
(1533 / 6,000,000,000) = 0.0000002555 (this is the possibility that you will meet someone)

0.00520833333333333 * 0.0000002555 = 0.00000001302075

Or

0.000000013%

(this is the chance that he will meet his perfect woman)

Remember, this figure is based on global averages, it does not take into consideration such things as population density, country of origin, religion, attitude etc...

HAHAHAHAHAHA bet you have changed your mind now my love. That is pretty sad. I'm glad I found you

xxxxxxxxx

[Vertigo]

the cat stuff was pretty funny but somehow true